welcome to my blog you little shits

 

k-lionheart:

tittily:

cant get authentic italian cuisine like this anymore

i don’t even know where to start with this post

k-lionheart:

tittily:

cant get authentic italian cuisine like this anymore

i don’t even know where to start with this post

(Source: les-memorables)

waywardandwanderlust:

heartsandmagic:

Cat doesn’t know what to do with the butterfly that flew on its paw.

I can’t breathe I’m laughing too hard

waywardandwanderlust:

heartsandmagic:

Cat doesn’t know what to do with the butterfly that flew on its paw.

I can’t breathe I’m laughing too hard

tuucker:

irisowl:

So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized

Dr. Robert Evans

I looked it up

My dentist is Captain America’s dad

My doctor is JK Rowling’s husband.

JK Rowling’s husband has asked me if I am sexually active.

Played 1,283,103 times

the-moose-has-the-tardis:

randomfandomreblog:

theshadowsinthesun:

prince-delphinium:

kaylakay19:

radstunts:

I JUST PEED MYSELF

THE AUDIO IS EXACTL HOW I READ THAT OMFG

I just died a bit

only a bit

I forgot to plug my earphones in and I played this. Needless to say I have scared many people in the library.

I DONT KNOW WHAT I EXPECTED BUT THIS WAS NOT EXPECTED

A Study in Pink: a Humorous Summary

SUDDENLY GUNS

Viewers: fuck where did that come from -

John: nightmares oh god

John:

John:

John: I fucking hate my life.

Therapist: Have you been writing in your therupatic diary like I told you to?

John: MY EYES AREN'T GLISTENING WITH THE GHOST OF MY PAST

Mike: hey gurl hey

John: shitit'sthatguydon'tmakeeyecontact

Mike: HEY GURL HEY

John: Ohhh hi didn't see you there -

Mike: LOL GURL SO HOW U BIN, HOW'S LIFE?

John: I'm thirty-five, single, unemployed, skint, and I've got anxiety problems of some description and a limp.

Mike: GURL THAT'S SO RAVEN

John: what

Mike: what

John:

Mike: let me hook you up, man

~MEANWHILE~

Sherlock: I love the smell of dead bodies in the morning

Molly: I love your face

Sherlock: Yes, thank you, I would like you to serve me some coffee, how thoughtful

Molly:

Molly: ok.

~UPSTAIRS~

John: What are these new fang-dangly things they didn't have them in my day

Mike: that's a computer, John

Sherlock: Mike give me your phone

Mike: Do you know how at wildlife parks and stuff they don't let you feed the animals partly so that the animals don't get reliant on being fed by humans and then stop foraging for their own food?

Sherlock:

John: use mine.

Mike: This is John Watson. havethesexwithhim.

John and Sherlock: what

Mike: what

Sherlock: -text it- Afghanistan or Iraq?

John: the fuck -

Sherlock: smoothly interrupting you to casually accept fangirl-made coffee

Sherlock: hey molly

Sherlock: thank you for offering to make me this delicious coffee

Sherlock: -sips- mnn, tangy

Sherlock: you look ugly without makeup

Molly:

Sherlock: bye

Molly: ok.

Sherlock: We should be flatmates

John: what

Sherlock: I'll meet you at the flat ok

John: what

Sherlock: Goodbye Mr Army Doctor from afghanistan

Sherlock: say hi to your alcoholic brother for me

Sherlock: nice psychosomatic limp you got there

John: WHAT

Sherlock: Sherlock Holmes, 221b Baker St, exit stage left

Mike: ain't he so raven

~LATER~

Sherlock: Check out the flat ain't it pretty don't you like it John, you must like it, I can clean up, look I'm cleaning up say you'll live with me say it

Mrs Hudson: You guys are such a cute couple

John: what, no

Lestrade: There's been a murder

Sherlock: HOORAY

Sherlock: come and see dead bodies with me, John

John: I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING BUT I THINK I LIKE IT

~CRIME SCENE~

Sally: freak

Sherlock: lol you're blowing one of the forensic team

Anderson: fuk u shercock u dick

Sherlock: i know you are i said you are but what am i

Body: pink

Sherlock: John what's your professional doctor's opinion.

John: ... yup she's dead.

Sherlock: DEDUCTING

John:

John: amazing brilliant fantastic

Sherlock: omg relyy

John: boy u mighty fine

Lestrade: I'm standing in the room still

Sherlock: lol you're all idiots I am the only one who sees the truth

Lestrade and John: what

Sherlock: laterz

~AND THEN~

Phones: ringing

security cameras: spinning

John: the fuck is this

Mycroft: hey gurl

John: the fuck are you

Mycroft: I am suggestively frightening and I'm sherlock's arch enemy, my name begins with M, can you guess who I am

John: modesty?

Mycroft: gurl I like you

Sherlock: URGENT URGENT COME HOME AT ONCE THERE IS AN URGENCY

~221B~

Sherlock: Pass me my phone.

John: you

John: you texted me to

Sherlock: and send a text please k thanks

John: Fuck you sideways, man

Sherlock: love you too

John: what

Sherlock:

Sherlock: come to dinner?

~ANGELO'S~

Angelo: you're such a cute gay couple

John: what, no

Angelo: So very cute and gay

John: no, sherlock, say something, tell him we're not gay

Angelo: I'll get some candles to set the mood to SEXY TIMES

John: NO DON'T GET CANDLES

Angelo: YOU'RE GAY

John: Why do I have an ominous feeling that this is going to happen again? Like reverse deja vu?

Sherlock: Keep an eye out for murderers 'kay

John: So er ... got a girlfriend? Or a ... boyfriend?

Sherlock:

Sherlock: uh ... John ... look, it's very flattering and all but I'm taken

John: no -

Sherlock: My work is a jealous lover

John: no - what? I don't even want to consider how a relationship with investigating dead bodies works - no, I wasn't - no - I'M NOT GAY!

Sherlock: right.

John: right.

Sherlock: okay then.

John: yes.

Sherlock: SUSPECT AT TWO O'CLOCK

~ROOFTOP CAR CHASE~

John: shit that was funny

Sherlock: I know right

Lestrade: DRUGS BUST PARTY AT 221B

Sherlock: THE FUCK IS GOING ON

John: wait drugs lol what

Sherlock: ~gaze~

John: ~gaze~

Lestrade: THERE ARE PEOPLE STANDING IN THIS ROOM

Sherlock: DEDUCTING

Mrs Hudson: TAXI

Lestrade: MOBILE

Everyone: NOISE

Sherlock: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DICKS

Cabbie: come away with me, in the night

Sherlock: ok

~DRIVING~

Cabbie: CLEVER SHIT

Sherlock: BORING

Cabbie: pick a pill any pill

Sherlock: CLEVERER SHIT

Cabbie: pick a pill anyway

Sherlock: sounds like fun

Cabbie: SUCKER -

John: I SAVE YOU

Cabbie: /dead

Sherlock: that's so raven

~LATER~

Lestrade: tell me the things

Sherlock: look at my fucking ugly blanket

Lestrade: oh jesus

Sherlock: heyyyy john

John: heyyyyyy Sherlock

Sherlock: you saved me

John: for a minute there I thought my princess was in another castle

Sherlock: what

John: what

Mycroft: hey gurl

Sherlock: fuck off bro

John: why didn't you tell me he was your brother?

Sherlock: because he smells

Mycroft: you're so mean

Sherlock: lol John let's go get Chinese

John: ok

~BITCHIN SLOW WALK~

YEEEEAAAAHHHHHH